TOP Ten Oakland valentine tips By Al Carlos

10. Sit down, have a smoke, tell a joke and insult the old folk.

9. Try not to get the munchies and eat all the chocolates on the way home.

8. Romantic walk, jog, swim for your life around lake merit at dusk.

7. Quiet dinner for two, then, pull a runner.

6. Quiet evening at home, tell the kids to get lost.

5. The right flowers should not be smokeable.

4. Still a young man interpretive dance.

3. Drive to the Oakland hills to view the city lights below, try to find out who isn’t home so you can “visit” their house.

2. Matching tats.

1. BBQ heart sculptures.